Funny thing what vacations do.  Spend a week there for Thanksgiving, and suddenly the probability of that state becoming my new home is becoming more a reality.  I'm still fearful of departing so far from my bubble of a world, my carefully built comfort zone.  But what has that comfort zone done for ME?  Everything's mundane, systematic, and routine.  Where has any of it gotten me in all these years?  What if the one thing standing between me and the better life I always dream of, the one thing standing in my way, is a move to another state?  

It's ironic, really.  I was never one to boldly declare a strong urge to leave the state of Indiana.  I was never the one to yearn for such a drastic move as that.  Especially not to those low, down south states such as Texas and Florida.  I hate heat.  Always have. Still do. Likely always will.  And yet, it's quite likely that I'll be the first one to move there, even before my sister, who has been unable to quench her love of the state since her first vacation there when we were all teenagers.  But she has a little more to lose now than I do.  Her job is working out well and she hangs out heavily with a man she really really likes, and who definitely likes her back.  That certainly complicates matters, especially if they hit it off really well.

Me?  I have nothing to lose.  I have nothing tying me to Indiana.  While that fact is saddening and upsetting for me, it's also the perfect reason to leave at the same time.  Still, there's much conflict inside my mind about the whole thing.  I wish a move to Florida was more a personal desire of mine than lack of choice, which unfortunately, the latter is the case for me.  I can't afford to move out on my own.  Unless a move is with my sister, but even then, the other problem still rears its head:  stay here for what?  I have no budding relationship, no strong prospects. So marriage is out.  I have a simple job that doesn't offer benefits and is run by a rather....problematic woman.  So a great career is non-existent.  I have no strong circle of friends, no one to which my loyalties are tied.  So friendship isn't a crutch.  A drastic change such as this should be something I ought to be running to.

As I said, though, it's also a little saddening.  I'm rounding near my 31st year on this planet and still...nothing.  I wish I wasn't even in this predicament where I'm like, "Should or shouldn't I?"  Part of me wishes that I was so set and established in life where a move to Florida would be, at most, tempting to try, but I have such a great life here.  But that isn't the case.  What has Indiana brought me?  Sure, some of it's my own fault, but not in entirety.  But maybe that's the whole point, though. Maybe the real reason why nothing really comes together for me is because it's not supposed to be coming together, not here.  I don't know.  Why do people stay in one place? Career, marriage, family.  Why would *I* stay in one place?  Family is not applicable, as I have them in both states.  Career is something I've yet to acquire. And marriage? Bleh.  I know and love a man who'd fit that role wonderfully if we were in a different time and place, if the Lord willed it, but we're not.  And it's just one big tease to be so close to him and yet...so far.  

In a way, I almost want to RUN to Florida.  to be far away from the things that have haunted me over my life.  Weight.  Job. Love.  Spirituality.  Myself.  Sure, I hate heat, but I love water. I love to swim, I love the beach.   I love oceans and tropical settings.  Not that I'd be having that every single day, but I admit, it sure would be nice to be nearer to that.  And if that's accessible for me, I can tolerate heat.  There's no sense hanging around here in Indiana anymore.  I'll tag along with my folks, find something better, and then get on my feet over there which hopefully a much easier time.  And maybe one day, I can find those missing factors in my life.  Wouldn't it be something, though?  Something as simple as living somewhere else may be all that's necessary to propel me forward in this world to where I'm supposed to be.  I just have to embrace it and not fear it.

None of this matters, though, because my real problem still needs to be solved regardless. No matter where I go, my problems will follow unless I learn how to conquer them.  So no matter what, that's still going to be my "Step One."

It's not really about the plane's crash, unlike what the trailers suggest.  That fact would have been extremely disappointing if I didn't already learn that on my own before going in.  So I wasn't completely blindsided by it.  No, the movie is, quite simply, about an alcoholic and his trek towards redemption from this struggle of alcohol addiction.  The Flight isn't the plane's flight per se, but more his own flight, towards the freedom from his own private prison.  When you know that fact going in, it's a little easier to accept.  That doesn't mean the movie itself is easy to watch, however.  It was actually downright depressing seeing a movie depicting a critical event from the perspective of a man who is his own worst enemy.  Just put the drink down! How hard can that be?  Quit running to a bottle and own up to your responsibilities!  But no...it's never that simple.  Alcoholism is the villain in this movie, and I hated it.  IT, as in, alcoholism itself and what such an addiction can do to people.  But everyone has their weaknesses; everyone fights their own demons.  And in that sense, through Washington's superior acting chops, this movie is pretty good.  Because in end, through his own admission of guilt with a tear down his eye, he finally, FINALLY admits to the world, "I am an alcoholic," and thus the first step to becoming a changed man was taken.  The plane crash for this man was something of an eye-opener for him.  Though alcohol had nothing to do with the crash, it had everything to do with how he dealt with the crash.  It was his escape form life, from problems, from responsibilities.  It was ugly to see just what addictions can do to people, helping them run away from who they are or who they're meant to be.  It's a good thing when someone wins against a dangerous addiction.  

What I didn't care for was the integration of religion in certain areas, at least not in the manner it was presented. It was evident that they were simply going for a sort of "godly" revelation for Denzel's character using the various characters and/or occurrences in the plot, but I just wish it was presented in a less err...invasive manner? I mean, I'm a Christian, and I found even myself repulsed by a character's freakishly robotic declaration of praising Jesus.  Christians presented in such an overly religious, stoic, unfeeling, or zombie fashion isn't accurate, or at least it isn't supposed to be.  And frankly, it makes me sigh that there are self-declared Christians out there who act in the manner that these couple of characters did, fooling the world into thinking that this is how Christians are supposed to be.  In the movie, the co-pilot and his wife are quite clearly meant to represent Christians of a "holier-than-thou" persuasion, sneering at people who are not believers instead of loving on them.  You don't grip your cross around your neck while staring at someone with your hallow eyes and just randomly say "Praise Jesus!" when someone states their own translation of what they think God did or did not do.  It makes you look foolish, hypnotized, and in need of your own freedom.  But as I said, it appears that what they were going for is to have Denzel's character be reminded by everyone around, whether they be religious or not, that he needs to change his ways.  So if those versions of Christians still did their part in the movie to help spark his transition, then so be it.  In the end, the most important matter is that he finally realized that through all events that occurred, he ended up a free man, even if he had to spend it in prison.  What's most important is that the one moment when he could have cowered behind his drinking one final time, where the blame could have been placed on the shoulders of a dead woman whose last act of heroism lead to her death, he instead chose to own up to it, to face it dead in the eye, and become what he is supposed to be, whatever that may entail.

I also didn't care for the useless nudity by one of the female characters.  It seemed without purpose and exploitative in nature.  At least at first.  But then, when I analyzed it enough, it seems to be a point all its own. Not the nudity itself, but the woman in general.  In the end, when this lover of his was presented to him in an unpleasant manner (having had problems with drugs and alcohol herself), it seemed to have struck a personal chord with Denzel's character.  He sees what she was before she died, and then saw what she was capable of in her last moments: saving a little boy, casting herself aside.  So she's not some whore or prostitute or trashy girl he's sleeping with, as my first thought suggested. She was a human being who can do heroic things no matter how ugly her past was.  It was the final nudge for him to make his own heroic act, so as not to have her image tarnished by hiding his own.  All in all, a good movie that depicts humanity in its ugliest form, along with its most beautiful form.  A hero wrapped up in an ugly package on his "Flight" to freedom.

Still on overhaul everyone!  Apparently, there's a glitch on Xanga that seemed to have magically developed that is no longer allowing me to update and edit my theme.  In other words, I'm back to the old, boring, impersonal look for now. I've attempted to just delete all my themes to start over, which worked, but now it's not letting me update to add a new one.  A major problem that is actually very aggravating, and inexplicably so.  That's the story for now.  Try not to get whiplash.