May 6, 2007

• Spiderman 3 [spoilers]

  Wellllllllll, quite honestly, (and it pains me to admit it) I was a bit disappointed. *siiiiiiiiiiiigh*

  [SPOILER ALERT] you have been warned 
  
  Now I'll admit that this isn't really a review, just a list of complaints.  I think the movie has to grow on me for me to review it fairly.  So in the meantime, I'll spew.  Frankly, it was a little too much drama for me.  My sister disagrees with my assessment, but that's the beauty of opinion, I suppose.  She really liked the movie.  I give it maybe 2 stars.  Blah, I really wanted to love it.  But as I was watching it, it just kept dragging. And dragging. And dragging. Dwelling WAY too much on little mushy scenes and conversations.  It took for freaking EVER to get to the point.  'Twas a little too much lovey dovey mushy gushy Mary Jane Watson crap shoved up in my face and inside my nostrils then down my throat into the pit of my gut until it upchucks in my vomit.  Yet again, she was there just to get into trouble and be something else for Spiderman to save.  Screaming and wailing without even trying much to get away.  Only at the last minute did she decide to put a little fight into escaping.  She just stayed in the cab as it dangled in the webbing instead of crawling out the window WAAAAY ealier than when she did.  "Ooh, let me just sit in this car and be a victim and scream and scream. Spiderman's already trying to fight two guys at once, but hey, he can still manage to save me!"  Even after she decided to crawl out, she still just sat there being a victim.  Crawl towards the building you moronic twit.  UGH.  When it came to the love story, I GOT THE FREAKING POINT.  Life's sad, full of tough choices, broken love, blah blah blah...just focus on being Spiderman again.  And for crying out loud, GIMME VENOM. Ugh, yes yes I know.  He's not the main character. I was just antsy. 

  But I guess that's my own fault.  I should know better than to overly expect these superb 3rd addition to trilogies.  If Indiana Jones and Terminator can shell out GREAT part 3's, then why not Spiderman? I always expect the 3rd ones to be the best ones. Shame on me.  X-Men and Jurassic Park 3 come to mind.  Then you had that Alien 3 nonsense.  My were they horrid.  They had the cool parts, but as a whole...*groan*  And just like them, Spidey definitely had its cool parts. The visuals were spendid, but then after awhile, it started to get "typical."  I mean, I even found myself thinking, "Yeah, I've seen this already."   I mean, let's admit it already, we already saw a "sand man" in The mummy movies.  We already know Spidey's moves.  I suppose that's why they had to focus a little too excessively on plot and such, but blah. I just wanted so much more.  I wanted insane action, something that would get the audience roaring and cheering in delight from what they'd see.  That's why I wanted to see a Saturday night show, after all.  But it didn't work out like I planned.  There were no random bursts of excitement in the theater. We were all just...sitting there.  We appreciated the funny scenes, and laughed like crazy.  But for the whole of the movie, which was dried up of any action, everyone just kinda sat. 

  The villains were cool, I suppose. But there was only so much you can do with them.  Sandman was visually stunning, and though he was much better-looking than Imhotep from the mummy, it was still something I saw already.  So I was leaning my hope on Venom.  Eddie Brock made me fall for him right away.  He was entertaining from the start and I couldn't wait to see more of him.  I was just itching for Venom.  And I waited patiently.  Patiently during all the gag-worthy Mary Jane scenes, from her little whines to her typical kidnapping and her freaking annoying wailing.  Guh.  THANK GOD FOR GWEN STACY.  I'm not even a guy and I was so grateful to lay eyes on her. She was too cute.  Adorable.  Bryce is just a freaking doll.  And I thought about Lexi during all her scenes haha.  I was thinking, "Aww Lexi must be gushing in his chair right now."  I can see why. The girl was just so relieving, a breath of freaking fresh air with her sparkly blue eyes.  But I still wanted Venom. Surely they'll be some crazy action when he gets his chance to shine. 

  But ALAS....it was like a Darth Maul thing.  He had so much potential but was so incredibly underused.  And he must have been, because his portrayal on screen wasn't really "all that."  As popular as he is in the 'toons and comics, I KNOW there must have been more to him than that.  Oh don't get me wrong, he was still too freaking cool with his screeching wails and teeth, but blahhhh. I wanted so much MORE!  They did an excellent job in bringing him to life, though I was hoping to see that slimy tongue of his.  Isn't his tongue always supposed to be just hanging out? I remember it annoyed the crap outta me in the cartoon, but it would have been cool to see in the movie. His head looked a little "shrunken" though.  But that was minor and he was still too cool.  I loved, loved, LOVE the visual effects of the Symiote, especially when the sound started to torture it.  Still, as I said, it was just a Darth Maul, Psylocke, freaking Phoenix sort of thing.  Massive potential characters not taken to their full capacity.  But perhaps this was all in preparation for a part 4, if it ever happens.  The end of Venom showed the Symbiote having a life of its own, and if I'm not mistaken, the villain known as "Carnage" is made from that Venom-created Symbiote costume.  But I'm no expert. Oh, but I do have one complaint of Venom:  IS HE SUPPOSED TO SOUND LIKE THAT?  I thought he was gonna be more like...snarly and menacing and drooly with an evil voice.  But he was just talking in Topher's voice.  I'm like uh....?

  Anyway, my biggest complaint of all was Peter's "dark side" and the ending.  His dark side was just more of a comedic side.  He doesn't scream "I'm evil."  He was just making worse decisions with stuff, I guess.  Oh sure, there were moments when he spewed and such, but for the most part, his dark side was just excessive dorkiness.  His hair was absolutely horrendous.  Either Toby doesn't know how to be evil, or that's just the sort of evil they wanted to make him.  It was just too funny to be dark.  And the ending? OYYY.  So lame.  Just more Mary Jane and Peter mushy gushiness hugging and crap and then poof, the end.  Lame, lame, lame.  And seeing as how there was no clapping or praises from the theater when the credit rolled, I know more people must have been feeling a little let-down.  I guess I don't really know what I was looking for in Spiderman 3.  Just...more than what it was.  I got more plot, that much is certain.  But plot alone doesn't make a Spiderman movie for me. I just need SPIDERMAN.  Oyyy.  So far, Spidey 2 is the best of the bunch.  And if they make a Spidey 4, well...we shall see.

  Now I await Shrek 3, Pirates 3, and Rush Hour 3.  Please let them be great.  Please, please, please.

  • 12:09 am
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